So it seems like whenever I get mad or angry I clean...and when I get sad or unsure of something....I shop. Tonight, I shopped - thank God there were really good sales, or I'd be broke.
I called my mom after work today to tell her some good news I heard. Apparently the most important part of the conversation to her was the fact that we may have a new male employee in our department, because the first thing she could say when I finished my story was "is he single???" Well of course I went into "give me a break" mode in my head...and for the first time I felt the need to tell mom how incredibly frustrating it is when she makes comments like that. It was all I could do not to cry driving down the road and talking to her, but I told her that it really gets to me when she says stuff like that...all the time. I told her its not like I hide from relationships, but I'm not going out to hunt them down. Sure I'd like to experience true love and maybe even have children of my own...and I assured my mom that I would love to give them some grandchildren..and timely enough that they can enjoy them. But ITS OUT OF MY FREAKING CONTROL. So yeah....give me a break, mom. I told her I may not even be meant to get married, so she should start preparing herself for that....because lately it's how I've been feeling. I said all this in as gentle a way as I could possibly get it out, but I told her I needed her to know how it makes me feel when she says that all the time - that I thought she would want to know.
So I shopped. I bought Max stuff. I bought me stuff. I bought my roommate stuff. I bought Krispy Kreme doughnuts.
Of course now I feel like complete crap, because I know my mom just wants me to be happy....but gah...maybe I'm going to spending the rest of my life...being happy....WITHOUT someone else. It's probably just as well. I am sure I do a sucky job of loving people....I'm not sure what I'd have to offer someone anyway.
I think I'll just go to sleep now.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
When I am mad I clean..When I am frustrated I lay on the ground and try not to cry...Shopping might be better!
I know it can be frustrating dealing with the unknown...just keep your head up...and don't use your credit card to buy stuff with!!
I made a list of ten other things you could be doing other then shopping to drive those blues away (chekc out my blog). I hope you like them.
You are completely lovable and do a GREAT job of loving others! I do understand though!
Love you bunches! me!
I hate that you had a bad day but thanks for the sweaters!!!!!!!
Melissa,
I read your blog today, just wanted to say:
Every time my husband Mitch hears about a single guy or gal with that hopeless, never-gonna-happen feeling, he gets this little look in his eye, grins, and says, hmm, sounds like it's just around the corner. Because he too felt the right person was never, ever going to show up, for a long long time. I've read your blog a couple of times and it sounds like you are doing a lot of GREAT things to take advantage of this season. And I just LAUGH when you ask what you have to offer, clearly a LOT!! IT WILL HAPPEN!!!!!
I don't have time to hunt up a scripture right now but there are so many great ones on believing for the perfect partner for YOU - oh, here's this one, Luke can find the reference.
"No good thing will He withhold from them whose heart is perfect before Him." - or something like that.
And of course you will next say, but I'm not perfect, and the answer is, by the blood of the Lamb, yes, of course you are.
You have become the righteousness of Christ.
And it says that He who finds a wife finds a good thing - so of course finding a husband is also a good thing.
So there you go - God will not withhold a good thing, a husband, from Melissa!
Have a great day!!
Luke...thanks for being a friend (and pastor). You're the best.f
Ashley...thank you for loving me. I miss you.
Marie...yea yea yea.
Beth...I will be emailing you a response soon. Thank you so very much for sharing with me.
Just so everyone is clear - I am not pining away for a mate. If I'm meant to be single, so be it. I just don't want to be a disappointment to my parents.
Post a Comment